It was a rare day in Ashland. A sunny fall day. Shafts of golden light filtered down through leaves just starting to turn and landed in dappled patches on the lawn of Ashland High School. The hundred or so students loitering about the grounds didn't notice. Chances are, they were too busy staring at the girl making her way up the stairs to the entrance.
MacKenzie Rain shook her long brown locks back from her face and placed one booted foot confidently in front of the other. I am the lion, stalking through my jungle. Even though the early autumn air held a nip, she was clad in tight micro-shorts and a pair of knee-length, chunky combat boots. Every step seemed to echo like a thunderclap in her head, and she was uncomfortably aware of the several hundred male eyes watching her legs move.
Alexis White watched the new girl stalk her way across the front lawn and into the building. Right up until now, the first day of sophomore year, she had been the resident class Strangeling--a title she was hoping to leave far behind her this semester. She glanced down at her sensible Lee jeans and cashmere sweater and smiled. Looks like that's going to be easier than I thought.
Rain was relieved to find the reception desk just inside the double front doors. The matronly woman sitting behind a small plaque that read "Mrs. Clark" smiled up at her.
"Ah, you must be MacKenzie! Welcome, welcome to Ashland High School."
"Everybody calls me Rain." Rain decided that she liked this woman anyway.
"Of course dear." Mrs Clark smiled even wider, if that were possible. "Now, I have here your class schedule and a few other extracurricular bits and pieces."
"Uhh, thanks." Somewhat awkwardly, Rain accepted an untidy pile of paper from the receptionist. Several pieces immediately fell out of the pile and scattered across the floor. Rain sighed heavily and gave the errant pages a classic look.
"Now, just before you run off," Mrs Clark seemed oblivious to the fact she couldn't see Rain, crouched on the floor on the other side of the desk picking up paper, "the principal would like to see you in his office."
Rain popped her head up abruptly. The woman jumped slightly. "The principal. Am I in trouble already?" She flashed the winning smile that she'd practiced all summer.
"Oh, no, nothing like that. Principal Schmidt makes it a point of greeting all new students personally." Mrs. Clark smiled benignly. "His office is just up the stairs, turn left down the corridor, last door on the right. I hope you enjoy it here at Ashland High."
The interlude was clearly over. Rain straightened the papers in her hands into a neater pile and headed for the stairs. The second-floor corridor was completely deserted. Almost instinctively, she reverted to tiptoe, trying to minimise the clatter of boot on linoleum. The office was easier to find than she had anticipated--it did indeed turn out to be the last door on the right, conveniently marked with "Principal's Office" on the window. She knocked once before opening the door and stepping through.
The sandy-haired man standing at the window turned and choked into his coffee. "Miz Rain, I presume." He covered well, extending a hand. Rain shook it firmly.
"Rain. No Miz." She dropped her head slightly to smile up at him through her lashes. "And you must be Principal Schmidt."
"As evidenced by the small brass nameplate that reads 'Principal Schimdt.'" He gestured at the plaque on his desk, but smiled to show he meant no offence. "Have a seat."
Rain looked him over as she dropped into one of the two stodgy leather arm chairs in front of his desk. "You look just like Robert Redford. Do you ever have problems with schoolgirl crushes?"
His eyes widened ever-so-slightly at her forwardness. "If you could please try to remember that I am your Principal, I think we'll all get along much better."
"Relax sir. You're not in trouble with me unless you happen to look like Johnny Depp." She grinned wolfishly.
"Good to know." He arched his eyebrows expressively and shuffled a few papers on his desk. "Let's just have a quick chat about the dress code, and then you can go."
"There's a dress code?" Rain made no effort to hide the disgust on her face.
"There is now." He cast another glance at her shorts.
Rain was saved having to reply by the office door flying open behind her. She turned her head casually to take in the young man framed in the doorway. He was tall and muscular, with unkempt brown hair and a weeks' worth of stubble.
"Yoder sent me," he announced.
Principal Schmidt didn't look particularly surprised. "What did you do this time?"
He shrugged one shoulder, a roguish grin spreading slowly across his face. "I may have nailed her desk and chair to the roof."
"May have." The principal fixed him with a withering look.
"I definitely did." The grin got wider.
This time, Schimdt didn't bother to look up. "That'll be detention every day this week, Sonndheim."
"Aye." The boy raised one hand in a lazy salute and turned to leave.
"Wait." Principal Schmidt looked up, a roguish grin beginning to spread across his own face. "Don't go back to class. I'm sure Miz Yoder's had enough of you for one day. You can take Miz Rain on the guided tour."
Sonndheim dropped his gaze and gave Rain an unimpressed look. "Great." He raised an eyebrow slightly as Rain stood, unfolding her bare legs. "M'lady." He bowed mockingly, gesturing for her to walk through the door ahead of him.
"A pleasure to meet you." Rain smiled again at Principal Schmidt.
"Enjoy your time with us, Miz Rain." He returned her smile as she turned to leave.
Rain stepped into the corridor. The boy stepped after her and closed the door behind them. Then he started walking. Rain hastened to follow.
"You got a name, Romeo?" She decided it was difficult to smile flirtatiously when you were physically pursuing a person down a long hallway.
"Not for you." He didn't bother to look at her face.
Okay, Romeo it is. Rain tossed him into the category of Typical Male and decided she didn't like him over-much. "Tell you what, Romeo. How about you go and do...whatever it is you do, and I show myself around. I won't tell anyone."
He blinked once, as though unsure he'd heard correctly. Then he shrugged. "Fine." And he jogged away quickly before she had a chance to change her mind.
Friendly sod. Not. Rain looked around. It's a high school. How hard can it be?
The first door she looked behind harboured a pair of young teachers groping frantically at one another. They jumped like a pair of scalded cats. Rain slammed the door and continued hastily down the corridor, trying not to chuckle. She found the gymnasium just as the bell rang for second period. She glanced down at her schedule. Second period, Spanish, room A13. It was on the other side of the school. Rain sighed and started running.
At last. Rose Dupres dropped her tray onto the cafeteria table and slid gratefully into her seat. The first day of school was always the slowest. In her experience, anyway. She emptied the small container of Ranch dressing onto her salad, and looked up just in time to see the new girl beelining for her table. Her friends, already a step ahead, were looking expectantly at her. Do something, Rose.
"This seat taken?" The new girl flashed her a genuine smile, green eyes flickering keenly.
"Yes!" Five voices chorused at once. Jaime and Sadie hastily moved closer together to eliminate the space at the table.
"That's fine." Her smile never faltered, but her green eyes seemed to bore into Rose, who fought hard not to gulp. She watched the long hair and booted legs retreat, feeling a rising mixture of fear, attraction, and dislike. What a freak.
Alexis watched the new girl move away from the cheerleader table. She had it coming. But in her mind's eye, she saw a young sixth-grader with dark hair and violet eyes, fleeing a room in tears to the sound of Rose Dupres' laughter. Oh, no. No, no, no. Another part of her mind flashed an image of herself, dressed in designer clothes, hair elegantly coiffed, sitting in a cafe and laughing over coffee with Rose.
She looked up. The new girl had changed direction and was moving away from her. She exhaled, deliberately erased the images from her mind, and stood. "Hey, over here."
The girl turned, and a half-smile twitched at the corner of her lips. Alexis was struck suddenly by how graceful she was.
"MacKenzie Rain." She extended a hand as she set her tray on the table. "You can call me Rain."
"Alexis White." She shook the proferred hand. "You can call me Lex."
"Thanks for the rescue." Rain took in the ordinary jeans and sweater, and jet-black bob of hair in a heartbeat.
"Don't mention it. Rose and hers can be a little mean, sometimes."
"Yeah, I figured." Rain cast a look in the direction of their table.
Lex eyed this strange girl for a moment. "Why did you even go over there?"
Rain snapped her eyes back to look into the violet ones in front of her. "People can't be nice to you if they aren't given the choice." She grinned.
"I suppose that's true." Lex rolled her eyes slightly and stabbed her fork into a slab of roast pork.
"So, Lex, are you in a habit of bailing out hapless new students?" Rain smiled to show she meant no offence.
"Not really, no. Besides which, you don't exactly look hapless." Lex grinned back, enjoying the game.
"It's the boots, isn't it." Rain gave a frown of mock seriousness.
Lex laughed in spite of herself. "What brings a Lara Croft-Wonder Woman renegade such as yourself to Ashland High School?"
Rain glanced up through a mouthful of Mac and Cheese. "My career counselor told me this is the best school in the country for if you want to become a bounty hunter."
"Ahuhhh."
"No one ever believes that. My dad landed a job out here."
"I guess it's rough, having to change schools and all." In truth, Lex had often wished she could change schools and start over.
Rain shrugged carelessly. "I'm used to it. My dad's been moving around as long as I can remember. It's like he never grew out of that adolescent itchy-feet thing."
"Oh." Lex poked at her potato mash with a fork.
"Sometimes it can even be fun starting at a new school. You walk in those doors, and nobody knows you from a bar of soap. Like here." She waved her arms to take in the cafeteria. "I can be whoever I want here. Nobody's going to know any better."
Lex swallowed her envy. "Yeah, well, we'll see how long you last against Rose Dupres and her Royal Airheadforce."
Rain smiled a smile that was simultaneously scary, and appealing. "Watch and learn, young Lex. Watch and learn." She drained her milk carton in about two seconds and sprang to her feet. "Thanks for the company. Might see you round." She flashed another winning smile, and headed for the doors, booted feet thudding solidly against the floor.
"New girl seems like a pip." Lex jumped at the sound of her brother's voice in her ear.
"Julian. Hey. She seems nice, actually."
"I thought you were turning over a new leaf this year, Lexi. A normal leaf." Jay smiled down at her, a stray lock of dark hair tumbling into one eye. "And that girl seems well on the way to becoming this year's Strangeling. Hanging with a girl like that is not going to do much for your credibility."
"No, I suppose not." Lex watched those legs exiting the cafeteria doors. "Class Strangeling.. There's one every year. I'm just glad this time it's not me."















Comments
I don't know how you can say that. I don't really think I've revealed anything about anyone's characters much...have I?
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The world is divided into two groups: people who love to play with swords, and two half-groups of people sliced in half by the sword-loving people.
Anyway...what am I saying. I look forward to seeing where you take this. You've got quite a few different angles set up and ready to collide here. This is a random stab in the dark, but I bet Lex is some kind of agent, right? She can't be a normal student anyway.
Writing wise it needs a bit of work. I got lost with the way you kept changing protagonist point of views so fast and randomly. I never felt like I was ever really getting a true introduction and I have no idea who the main character really is. Maybe work on that.
Otherwise keep going. Words are words. This is the important thing. And you always do come out with cool plot twists and character malfunctions. With at least three female characters with issues how could this story ever go wrong?
This story...intriguing.
I didn't see any mistakes, and the paragraphs are all nicely separated. Very easy to read, except that sometimes when you jump from one character to another, it's awkward.
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"This isn't a hobby, this is a disorder."
I'm currently toying with the idea of having several main characters, all with their own little secrets and stuff.
Anyway, I shall definitely try to make it less confusing. Maybe after I've written a few more chapters I'll be able to come back and do proper intro scenes for these people--something that highlights their characters a little more.
Thanks again.
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The world is divided into two groups: people who love to play with swords, and two half-groups of people sliced in half by the sword-loving people.
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The world is divided into two groups: people who love to play with swords, and two half-groups of people sliced in half by the sword-loving people.
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"This isn't a hobby, this is a disorder."
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Can you spell? No? You can't? Ah, well this is about you. [link]
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